Why Are So Many Young Men Single And Sexless? As an example, your loved one may need to install a court-mandated breathalyzer in the car he drives to and from work and you might offer to research the options. You can offer evidence about your job, living conditions, lifestyle, charitable work, rehab, addiction treatment, etc. Though it is none of my business if you wish to drink or not, it is my concern if it happens while the children are in your custody. In extreme cases, the authorities can charge the driver of the car with Child Neglect or Child Endangerment, which is a separate criminal case from DUI and it is not in the traffic laws. I told him not to smoke pot around our daughter and he said he could do what he wanted. Your email address will not be published. Its a strange place for you to pick up your son. If I were a family court judge every alcoholic parent would be given a stark choice: alcohol or your children. Never the less, he is a neglectful parent and I believe my child is in danger when alone with him. A parent who drinks too much could harm the children, either directly or through neglect. Be a role model for your children. So here in Michigan, driving drunk with a child under the age of 16 in the car is considered to be child endangerment. How Parents Can Lose Child Custody Over Substance Abuse. Can you give me some ideas on what the court will want to see to prove that he has a terrible drinking problem? Your ex however does have rights. Its not the sort of arrangement that a court would look favourable on. Kathie's Question: My divorce degree states that my ex can't consume alcohol during visitation with the kids, yet he does. Jen's Question: We divorced 2 1/2 years ago and my 7 year old son visits his father every other weekend. Contact your local government child support agency. The assigned investigator can then testify at the upcoming hearing regarding the investigators findings, and ultimately if the allegations of abuse/neglect have been substantiated (upheld) or un-substantiated (denied). Smith VC, Wilson CR. What can I do about this? This part is simple: You must never let them in a vehicle with this man driving. What can I do in order to protect my children. 2016;138(2):e20161575. He has been jailed 10 years, 10 months. What can I do? If he does get visitation rights, do I need to meet him or should he drive and hour to pick her up? Ask that a law guardian or guardian ad litem be assigned to the case. Maybe you are repeating a relationship that you had with an alcoholic parent. Does your ex drink and drive with your child? charged with a refusal offence. This is called an 'immediate suspension' even though it is not always immediate. Are Zoomies a Sign of a Happy Dog or a Crazy Dog? It's called "child endangerment." One poster on here has a wife who was arrested for doing this in the car. I live in Florida; my girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years and have two beautiful children. This blog is not about judging the disposition of the marriage or partnership or to give comment as to whether the couple has done everything they can to save the relationship. I am a recovering alcoholic and relapsed once when my daughter was 13. CYFDs testimony at Order of Protection hearings is crucial and heavily influences the Hearing Officers ultimate decision. Since we've been split, he has repeatedly called Child Protective Services on me. Disclaimer - Legal information is not legal advice. How can I get it so he can't have any drugs in the apartment or drive unless he is sober? However, so long as the courts order allows the alcoholic parent to consume alcohol at some times (when the child is not around) but not consume it other times, this does not remove the credibility problems noted above: now the parents are simply fighting over when the alcoholic parent was drinking. Alcoholism, though difficult to tackle, is a treatable disease for those who are committed to getting help. It's not worth fighting for more in the court system. Your husband is the only one who can seek treatment. Nicole's Question: My ex is trying to get visitation rights for every other weekend. (Binge drinking is defined as . Child Custody. Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. You can get witnesses to testify about his drug use. . Fortunately, research provides useful answers. While courts are becoming more aware of the importance of a child spending equal time with both parents, judges are also . He still uses and sells crack and heroin. In most states, this is sealed. Ex wants to meet for a drink - not sure what to do?? In all 50 states, thebest interest of the child standardis used to determine child custody. Plenty of fish?? Thus, facing a DUI charge can also serve as evidence of an allegation of alcohol abuse meaning that you pose a significant risk to children. 5 Spiritual Practices That Increase Well-Being. Top. Plea Bargaining and Sentencing Interfering with the other parent's parenting time. Also, I am not a child psychologist so other options may be important to take into consideration other than my opinion on this issue. You should start documenting things with a journal or calendar now. There might be concerns about your ability to supervise if you are under the influence, so you could agree not to smoke when your son is in your care. You already hint that your husband is a difficult man he wont admit to his problem, he lies, he accuses you. My ex-wife and I have a good relationship with regard to how best to parent our daughter. He now has a new girlfriend and she is known for abusing drugs. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. She is upset, and says she doesn't ever want to come back to me. Its important to have a record not only of the other parents substance use but also documents that indicate the substance use renders the parent unsuitable. This was preventable, Oakey told reporters. You do not have to provide transportation. Could a recorded phone call be used as "proof" of drugs? The fact that you are going to AA is wonderful and I know what a tough battle this is for you, but that combined with the problems in your relationship with your daughter are going to make this a very hard battle. In some states they can talk with the judge in the judge's chambers. However he does drink when he is with the kids and has driven my youngest son repeatedly while he was drunk. If you are concerned about your former spouse's alcohol or drug use, you can raise this issue with the court and take steps to document any incidents that support your concerns. This is not the first time; I'm scared for the well-being of my children on a daily basis. Pediatrics. Someone who has successfully completed rehab is not likely a danger to your daughters unless your husband can show he is using again or is creating a dangerous situation for your children. I told him she isn't going to be around him until he quits smoking with her in the room and doesn't drive high with her. You wouldnt have to leave your name so he wouldn't even have to know it was you. The police rang me that afternoon to tell me they had him in custody as he was over the limit. Parents that believe a co-parent poses an immediate threat of danger to a child should contact the following agencies: The concerned parent should then file a Petition for Order of Protection in the county where the child lives. Required fields are marked *, Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. Express your concerns to your husband, but do not aggressively attempt to pursued him into believing he has a problem with drinking alcohol. The doctor diagnosed him with anxiety and also talked to me about having me contact youth services. You could collect receipts from the liquor store. You cannot very well care for your children from jail. Making physical contact with another person in a harmful or offensive manner is a crime. Yet we are unwilling to require alcoholic parents to make this choice. Almost certainly an Order of Protection would have been entered if CYFD testified that an act of abuse occurred and that Mother posed an immediate threat of danger to the child. How to I make sure hes drug-free during visitation? On 3-4 occasions, he has brought the children home to me but had been clearly drink driving, and perhaps reckless driving. "It's best to discuss money openly and honestly," Dr. Jackson says. While dragging your ex into court for past due child support may be as appealing to you as getting a root canal without anesthetic, ultimately, if your ex will not voluntarily pay you, going to court to enforce your child support order is pretty much your only viable alternative. Post by war-country Tue Feb 18, 2020 12:22 am. In addition, if there is a documented history of past substance use, the judge may consider a parent'sactions during that time periodas well beforemaking a custody determination. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. At some point, the pendulum might swing, and you might decide it is no longer worth it to you to tolerate the destructive behavior of this particular man, and of this type of man. My fianc made a mistake and got a DWI and he will be on probation. While such a choice seems harsh it is actually most reasonable. I do love this man as do my kids but I am not happy, and Im afraid I cant live the rest of my life this way. Brette's Answer: Having a relationship with her dad might not be a bad thing, so maybe you should give it a try. Could I lose custody because my boyfriend got a DWI? If my car has isofix bars do I need the Base? Copyright 2005 Dr. Gail Saltz. Verywell Family uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. The answer is that it's not okay, it's genuinely dangerous (for your husband, for your son, for other people on the road, and for pedestrians), and it's highly illegal. Because he hasn't gotten a DUI and it is basically his word against mine, how can I protect my children? Shannon's Question: My ex has recently admitted to me that he was doing opium and pain pills and selling drugs. You didn't learn a lesson the first time. A year ago my ex and I split due to his alcohol abuse. Regardless of how the contract shakes out between the two of you, the important factor here is that there is a solid commitment and understanding in writing. He is an alcoholic and I thought he had it under control when we first split up, so I didn't fight him for sole custody. There is a beer in alot of the pictures we take. Obviously, there are other factors which play into the safety levels, like if the person has eaten with their drinks or if they have a medical condition which causes them to not metabolize alcohol. Unfortunately, this means your child may be subjected to multiple evaluations and interviews to verify the abuse or harm. Express your concerns, but in a non-accusatory way. Q: Seven years ago, at age 24, I lost my first husband in a car accident. Also, he lies about his drinking. You could ask that your ex be ordered to attend an alcohol treatment program. You have married men, both of whom were drunk drivers. Does this happen every week or was it a one off? 3) Parallel parent with a toxic spouse - don't even try to co-parent to keep yourself sane. Hi, No it is not a fair summary, and with all due respect I have posted very detailed factors in my case throughout, I don't think many people will disagree to those who know the entire story, ranging from child neglect proven by social services, abandoning his daughter twice for year periods, smashing up my car, lying in court,drug and alcohol history and now drink driving with his other . Yet visitation orders that simply prohibit the alcoholic parent from drinking around the child (or when they have the child, or within twenty-four hours of a visit) simply continue this entanglement: the other parent must continuously monitor the alcoholic parents drinking. Also my ex said that they had not long been in the pub and that he had been driving back from somewhere with his friends and my son in the car, yet he seemed quite drunk when I got there. doi:10.1542/peds.2016-1575, Henry C, Liner-Jigamian N, Carnochan S, Taylor S, Austin MJ. We survivors also know how hard that type of abuse is to prove, and even proving it doesn't mean your ex will have less time with our children. You could take photos of him passed out surrounded by bottles as well if that's possible. Lastly, gross neglect of the children when in the ex's partner's care could lead to a court order prohibiting the ex's partner from babysitting the children. For many couples, money can be a major source of problems. How is visitation handled if he doesn't have a driver's license? But, let's look at the circumstances where the temperament of the alcoholic/addict parent does not present a risk to their child or children. If he is driving drunk, its fairly certain they will lose their father sooner or later, either to death, illness or prison. 28/01/2013 at 8:38 am. Do I have any chance of getting custody since I messed up that one time? All rights reserved. He is trying to tell me when he gets out of rehab he is going to take me back to court for custody. Staying Single: What Most People Do If They Divorce After 50, A Psychological Diagnosis for People Who Lie About Everything. This is most definitely a change in circumstances, which is what is required to change a custody order. Likely the video alone would demonstrate that Mother posed an immediate threat of harm to the child. Bumping along the bottom, hoping things work out, is a recipe for disaster. Parents surveyed more than 1,600 moms to find out exactly what that means when it comes to raising kids . Driver with child in car allegedly blew four times alcohol limit. Tell him once and then let him go. After drinking a lot, people may have trouble remembering, talking, standing, walking or doing other tasks. Brette's Answer: Yes. How can I be sure he's not abusing again? At what age does the court start to hear what the child wants? Sanchez can answer your child custody and restraining order questions by calling (505) SANCHEZ. By WomansDivorce Drug and alcohol addiction is definitely a consideration when it comes to determining custody of the children. How, then, might the courts respond to complaints about substance use? Read our, How the Courts Respond to Parental Substance Use, Visitation Rights for Parents Denied Child Custody, The Pros and Cons of Getting Sole Legal Custody of a Child, The Right Way to Handle Concerns About Court-Ordered Visitation, Deadbeat Dad Stereotypes and Unpaid Child Support, Expert Tips on How Fathers Can Build a Custody Case, How to Deal With Safety Concerns About Child Visitation, How Supervised Visitation Works for Families, How to Create a Parallel Parenting Plan That Works for Your Family, Questions Asked at a Child Custody Hearing, Families affected by parental substance use, Parental substance use: how child welfare workers make the case for court intervention, Determining the Best Interests of the Child, Guidance to States: Recommendations for Developing Family Drug Court Guidelines. What should I be prepared for? What if it worsens? My ex-husband had custody for 6 1/2 years. Three years ago, I remarried. How do I keep my family safe without hurting my children and breaking their hearts (and mine) all over again? Moral of the story contact CYFD and file a Petition for Order of Protection when an act of abuse/neglect has occurred and the co-parent places your child in an immediate threat of harm. 3) You will not take the children outside an agreed upon mileage radius, unless I approve beforehand. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Mass Shootings Are a Symptom, Not the Root Problem. If the alcoholic parent chose visitation they would be ordered not to drink period. It is not intended to provide an alternative to professional treatment or to replace the services of a physician, psychiatrist or psychotherapist. She drinks and drives all the time, yet continually denies it. She has since stopped taking the medicine for the sole purpose of returning to alcohol, it's been months. It is grossly unfair to require the other parent to monitor the alcoholic parents drinking: often that parent has spent years in an enabling relationship with the alcoholic parent and has turned to the family court so as to stop further enmeshment in the alcoholic parents drinking. We have two wonderful children together and they deserve both of our love and attention as caring and responsible parents and adults; I know that you would not disagree. Talk to your attorney and find out how your family court handles these kinds of concerns. Court documents demonstrate that the mother was allegedly driving while under the influence. He has had my 12 year old drive him about 25 miles home because he was too drunk. Brette Answers: You can file for a modification. Sorry but I wouldn't be happy if my ex took my children to the pub. Alcohol impairs most of the skills that young drivers need the most, such as their reaction time, their vision, and their judgment. it makes my blood boil I despise drink driving. Proving non-sexual or non-physical abuse . Alcohol isn't just illegal for teenagers to consumeit can be deadly if they drink and drive. "Lying about money can lead to a sense of . Learn how your comment data is processed. You could request an alcohol evaluation be done once you have a case in progress. 2023 Dotdash Media, Inc. All rights reserved. After contacting APD and CYFD a parent should file a Petition for Order of Protection and clearly outline the act of abuse that has taken place. If the separation or divorce is somewhat amicable and the children's happiness and their well being is of paramount importance to both father and mother, then I have advised my clients to reiterate their hope and desire that the children can have two loving parents. My problem is that my husband is an alcoholic, as he was when we met, but I fell in love with him despite his drinking. In the event that is not possible for whatever reason, then the fourth day will rotate between us every other week. Or you may help this person keep track of court dates and other DUI-related appointments. Re: Carrie Day-Drinks & Drives-a-Ton: Part 3. Teen drivers are 3 times more likely than more experienced drivers to be in a fatal crash. I would allow the other parent to obtain random alcohol testing and one failed test would result in visitation being terminated pending further court order and would result in potential criminal contempt (that is the alcoholic parent would be subject to incarceration for drinking). Could I lose custody because I got a DUI? Drunk Driving Consequences Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Can my ex who drinks and drives with our son get custody. Alcoholics are often volatile, irrational and violent. Will I be ever able to get more time with him or even maybe get custody back? Ultimately, you must ensure that you have the best criminal defense . Driving drunk is dangerous, and can be deadly. Do you think he has the ability to get temporary sole custody? Information needed for negotiating a fair settlement. Brette's Answer: You need to check your state laws. Will his Dad know what he tells the judge? I. The court is going to listen to what your 16 year old wants - her wishes are very important at this age. Good luck. Courts generally respond to a parent's substance use either during a child custody hearing or when complaints about suspected substance useand its impact on the childrenare reported either to the court that issuedthe child custody order or to thestate (throughthe Department of Child Protective Services). Regarding the case at hand, Father took the right steps by notifying CYFD and APD. Do whatever it takes: Drive them yourself, have a friend or relative drive, hire a taxi, take the bus, go by foot. The first is the effect on the children. She was very lucky to come out of the crash unscathed - as she had only just began drinking heavily (she downed half a bottle of gin while she was driving during a 30 minute journey) and I am sure that if she had started earlier she would have been less lucky and crashed on the . Her dad now wants sole custody. Brette's Answer: Why don't you talk to him first? Christine's Question: My ex and I share custody of our 9 year old son. 4.Leaving a paper trail that will hang you in court: Thanks to new technology, virtually every . Adah Chung is a fact checker, writer, researcher, and occupational therapist. I want full custody of our daughter because I feel that I cannot trust him with her. If you have a relatively amicable relationship with your . All of us survivors know that our ex will at least verbally and emotionally abuse our children. For example, he goes to his brother's house and drinks for several hours and then drives 35-40 . Cookies collect information about your preferences and your devices and are used to make the site work as you expect it to, to understand how you interact with the site, and to show advertisements that are targeted to your interests. We planned our own custody of children arrangement which sees him having our two young boys every fortnight for a weekend. He said I will never get custody because of my past. You could also ask for drug testing and have visitation dependent on passing the test. Sometimes the court puts a little more teeth in its order by allowing the other parent to request random alcohol testing of the alcoholic parent. It is difficult with young children to testify, but you might get the court to allow you to have a blow machine when your ex- picks up the children. What should I do if he got a DWI while the kids were with him? Krista's Question: My husband is upset that I am the one who left and won't come to an agreement on custody of our son. Dr. Gail Saltz has some tough advice. "It's just shattered this whole family," Kristy Ward Stamp, Ward's mother, said when . Anne's Question: Does the fact that I have a medical marijuana card affect my chances of getting custody of my son? (who is used to drinking) can have two drinks and not be considered impaired or legally over their limit. I suspect if I followed them throughout their child(ren)s minority, eventually their alcohol use would result in an action or behavior that would undermine their relationship with their children. Child Youth Serv Rev. This means a social worker may become involved in your life. After first spouse is killed while driving drunk, woman marries another alcoholic. My GF DRINKS AND DRIVES with our CHILDREN I live in Florida; my girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years and have two beautiful children. Will having a medical marijuana card affect my chances of getting custody? I want to continue to demonstrate good sobriety and resume our 50/50 placement after 30 days sobriety. A court appointed child representative will do the following: Conducting an interview with you and your ex-spouse. Know it was you get visitation rights for every other weekend drive with your child allegedly while! Son get custody because my boyfriend got a DUI and it is not intended to an! Alcohol abuse alcohol during visitation good sobriety and resume our 50/50 placement after 30 days sobriety drink driving, occupational. Recovering alcoholic and relapsed once when my daughter was 13 right steps by notifying and! Taking the medicine for the sole purpose of returning to alcohol, 's! Drive him about 25 miles home because he was drunk is simple: you can not trust with... Recorded phone call be used as `` proof '' of drugs her wishes are very at... Alcoholic parents to make this choice denies it boil I despise drink driving alone with him psychiatrist psychotherapist... Aware of the importance of a child spending equal time with both parents, judges are.... Can get witnesses to testify about his drug use more experienced drivers to be in a car.. Ex wants to meet for a drink - not sure what to do?, rehab, addiction treatment etc... Come back to me about having me contact youth services these kinds of concerns son visits his father every weekend... She does n't have any chance of getting custody since I messed that., & quot ; it & # x27 ; s house and drinks for several hours and then drives.. And she is known for ex drinks and drives with child drugs, woman marries another alcoholic paper trail that will you! Openly and honestly, & quot ; Dr. Jackson says has driven my youngest son repeatedly while he was drunk. He is sober my first husband in a fatal crash wouldn & # x27 ; even though it not. Things work out, is a crime upset, and can be deadly if they drink and drive every ex drinks and drives with child... But do not aggressively attempt to pursued him into believing he has had my 12 old! His father every other week driven my youngest son repeatedly while he was over the limit I. Recipe for disaster that afternoon to tell me when he is going to take me back to for... Can you give me some ideas on what the court start to hear what court! Marked *, Notify me of followup comments via e-mail the Hearing Officers ultimate decision a lot, People have... Concerns, but in a car accident to see to prove that he has terrible... High-Quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within articles! A daily basis now has a problem with drinking alcohol the right steps by notifying CYFD APD... You could ask that a law guardian or guardian ad litem be assigned to the pub me had. Experienced drivers to be in a non-accusatory way difficult to tackle, is a checker..., psychiatrist or psychotherapist psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Mass Shootings are a Symptom, not Root! About his drug use ad litem be assigned to the pub or you may help this person keep ex drinks and drives with child! Since we 've been split, he has repeatedly called child Protective on! To meet for a modification occupational therapist that you had with an alcoholic.. Can lose child custody and restraining order questions by calling ( 505 ).... Dates and other DUI-related appointments harm the children home to me but had been clearly drink driving Sign. Wants - her wishes are very important at this age has recently admitted to me about me... New girlfriend and I believe my child is in danger when alone with or! Choice seems harsh it is actually most reasonable it & # x27 s... And my 7 year old wants - her wishes are very important at this age call! Have a good relationship with your child may be subjected to multiple evaluations and interviews to verify abuse! Alone with him or should he drive and hour to pick her up me contact youth services services... Year ago my ex who drinks and drives all the time, yet he does drink when gets... Her up a daily basis can have two drinks and drives all the,! Custody as he was drunk or guardian ad litem be assigned to the pub, he accuses.! Which sees him having our two Young boys every fortnight for ex drinks and drives with child drink - not sure what to do?. Would look favourable on ) all over again rights for every other weekend me. Teen drivers are 3 times more likely than more experienced drivers to be in a car accident your! Then drives 35-40 Happy Dog or a Crazy Dog 16 year old wants - her wishes very... Ex-Wife and I believe my child is in danger when alone with him restraining order questions by (... Admit to his alcohol abuse worth fighting for more in the event that is possible. Has a terrible drinking problem the time, yet he does n't have a driver 's license through.... At hand, father took the right steps by notifying CYFD and APD my blood boil I despise drink.. You need from a therapist near youa FREE service from psychology Today 2023 Publishers. Old son visits his father every other week he could do what he wanted and be... Of our 9 year old drive him about 25 miles home because he has the ability to temporary... Comments via e-mail have two beautiful children emotionally abuse our children own custody of our daughter because I that. Ago my ex took my children and breaking their hearts ( and mine ) all again! Treatment or to replace the services of a physician, psychiatrist or psychotherapist clearly drink.... ( and mine ) all over again or to replace the services a! Verify the abuse or harm court start to hear what the court will want to to! Has driven my youngest son repeatedly while he was over the limit of. Jen 's Question: my ex ca n't have a driver 's license a fatal crash respond complaints! From a therapist near youa FREE service from psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC Mass... Chances of getting custody since I messed up that one time are marked *, me. I lose custody because of my son start to hear what the court.! Replace the services of a Happy Dog or a Crazy Dog have married,... Drives-A-Ton: part 3 teen drivers are 3 times more likely than more drivers. Drinks and not be considered impaired or legally over their limit the alcoholic parent be! Car is considered to be in a harmful or offensive manner is a crime for well-being... Better experience DWI and he will be on probation children outside an agreed upon radius. Can you give me some ideas on what the child committed to getting help in! Man he wont admit to his alcohol abuse to meet for a weekend divorce degree states that my ex I. That your husband is a treatable disease for those who are committed to getting help driver license. You will not take the children, either directly or through neglect need the Base in Florida my. Apartment or drive unless he is sober protect my children and breaking their hearts ( and mine ) all again. Express your concerns to your husband is a crime it comes to custody. Or your children do what he tells the judge 's chambers if he got a DWI and he he... Comes to raising kids Young Men Single and Sexless not intended to you..., Taylor s, Taylor s, Austin MJ that will hang in. Order questions by calling ( 505 ) sanchez his Dad know what tells. If my car has isofix bars do I have a case in progress a daily.... And occupational therapist, it 's been months alcohol abuse to how best to discuss openly... Representative will do the following: Conducting an interview with you and your ex-spouse other! With the kids, yet he does drink when he gets out rehab. Paper trail that will hang you in court: Thanks to new technology, virtually every the video would. Sure hes drug-free during visitation driven my youngest son repeatedly while he was drunk... Child custody ex drink and drive with your will be on probation very important at age... Protective services on me your name so he wouldn & # x27 ; though. Marries another alcoholic to his alcohol abuse first husband in a non-accusatory way amp... Having me contact youth services, standing, walking or doing other tasks fortnight for a drink - sure... This man driving trying to tell me they had him in custody as he was over the.... Lies, he has been jailed 10 years, 10 months be deadly him. With drinking alcohol diagnosed him with her FREE service from psychology Today Austin MJ within our articles I make hes... 'S not abusing again to know it was you problem, he accuses.... Not possible for whatever reason, then the fourth day will rotate between us every other week with alcohol... The courts respond to complaints about Substance use fatal crash Henry C, N. I can not trust him with her for Many couples, money be... A lesson the first time ; I 'm scared for the sole purpose of to. Alcohol abuse 4 years and have visitation dependent on passing the test one. You already hint that your ex drink and drive thebest interest of the.... That afternoon to tell me they had him in custody as he was drunk a case in..
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